mental day again here…..

I’m on ‘lunch’… lunch means a coupla packet sandwiches a Muller rice strawberry yogurt, an apple and banana (normall) …. lunch also consists of me telling everyone in the office that ‘I’m on lunch’ and therefore being the signal for my phone to ring, important emails to drop through and everyone suddenly realising that my opinion is ‘worth it’s weight in gold’….. thus making my lunch break vanish. …..

anyways…… erm…. oh yeah…

Everymorning …. pretty much the same happens. I spead about 30mins playing the guitar…. I’ve been sitting making up chord patterns and inventing melodies for some time now…. I get up quite early each morning y’see…. and have time to kill… I don’t play covers.. never have done…. always created my own stuff… probably because I don’t perform, so its easier to please myself than a crowd of people… anyway….. most mornings I will produce something ‘partial yet pleasant’ to listen to. (imo) … this morning was a particularly good one…. I created something new that managed to link together and sit nicely with something I’ve had for ages…. well actually like a decade. hooray… now finally it seems, this nice little tune that I presented to my mates on a beach in france when not long out of college, can finally be finished. Twas a good morning. I record everything I play btw…. my tiny Zoom studio is perfect for it. I’d be lost without it … it’s my audio equivilent of a pencil and paper.

other things…

I spent most of last night making a website without tables… a pure CSS and accessibility and xHMTL compliant site…. quite a challenge if you’ve not really done it before… anyways… as the evening ended… I basically produced something akin to ‘my first website’…. but with the most complex css file I’ve every written…. and I’m stoked 🙂

tables are dead, long live tables! (sort of) The only real bummer I got is having to cater for Mac IE 5… cause it’s shite… I’ll keep playing though.

My first Haikus
——————————-
when people shout loud
I sit inside my headphones
but no music plays
——————————-
crunchynut cornflakes
nearly all the milk is gone
I must go shopping
——————————-

well?…. how’d I do?

speak soon

Has the river run dry?

I was thinking last night about how I’m not creative anymore. and it bugs me. I want to be again. Possibly the reason why I was and why I’m not now, is because I didn’t used to have a creative job and now I do.

For the hours of 9-5(ish) …. I have to create, create, think, create, get ideas, think and create some more. Repeat this process for 3years and eventually when I get home the last thing I want to do is ‘create’ again… I’m wanting to either go skate, or ‘veg out’ infront the tv.

I’m naturally creative though…. so I always end up doing something… btu often things don’t get finished or end up ‘half arsed’ because of shortage of time or something.

I really want that ‘natural driven’ creativity to resurge again… I liked it when I used to hide from my boss at work and sit writing lyrics/peotry/words about anything on my mind and go home with pockets full of scraps of paper with doodles on. At home I still have the folders full of these bits of paper. Here’s an example of the stuff I used to jot down: “I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me, than a full frontal labotomy” <– see stuff like that…. anyways…

the only option I can see is too leave my webdesign job and return to something uncreative like I used to do (warehouse worker). How attached am I to my job here? zero … though I am attached to the money! 🙂

Also the music I wrote years ago is infinitely better, the graphics I created were much more frequent and detailed, and the sites I created were much more inspiring.

One thing I’m completely sure about is having a ‘creative’ job destroys my creativity at home. Work becomes completely boring…. which causes the act of being creative generally to fall in the mental category of being completely boring also.

Soo… this is what I thought about last night as I sat playing the guitar and wondering why I wasn’t making the melodies I used to.

The decision hasn’t been made to jack my job in. But at least I’m now fully aware why my home life is feeling stifled.

speak soon.

1 in a million?

everynow and then you catch a gimpse of something that you can only describe as ‘incredible’, a feeling of enormous joy and sense of well being, it can be a thing or a someone, or even a thought and realisation. But we all get it, and if you haven’t, then you will. I have just experienced it. The easiest association I can make is with ‘passion’, not necessarily with regards to the opposite sex, but with anything you’re involved with in your life. Discovering a shared passion, fills you with a warm glow.

It’s not important that I tell you what caused this effect for me… it’s more important that you act on the effect when it happens to you.

The day I nearly died…

my luckiest day was the one where I ‘escaped death’ … yeah, I think that’s the best way to describe it.

Every day for years I walked this path through a small field to work and hopped over this fence and waited by this lamp post for the traffic to clear. One day cause of some really bad rain, I walked the long way round the field holding a crappy little umbrella, my coat hood up, loads of traffic flying past right next to me etc… I approached the same lamp post (bout 2metres away) that I normally waited at…. but before I reached it ….. a Landrover clipped the curb I was walking along… mounted the pavement, hit ‘the’ lamppost and smashed straight through the same section of fence I had been hopping over for years. the landrover, continued thorugh the field and ended up stuck in a hedge at the bottom.
———————–
Painting by letters 4:
———————–
In a sudden twist of fate,
somehow I lived today,

A presence in the sky,
Decided to save my life,

If I had it my own way,
I know I wouldn’t be here today.

So you can cut your hair….
& I can clean my teeth….
Forget what you’ve found and come around,
cause someones watching me.
———————-

lyrics without titles or melodies.

Painting by letters 1:
———————–
lipstick fountains and family trees,
everybodys looking for the life that I leave
….and I’m lifing….. & you can life with me.

slipstream riding, the birds and the bees,
standing in the sunlight where the shadows can’t be seen
….. and this sonet is….. killing me.

you can see the sunshine soaking, laughing and crying, I’m not joking.
———————–
Painting by letters 2:
———————–
Laying down on the underlay
Hoping its all going to go away
Making it up as we go along
Like watching cartoons with the Hoover on

With a stunning Demin tanktop
I’ll be winning the jukebox jackpot
stretched laughing drunk on a counter
falling over by the aid of willpower

Everybody holds a gun to my head
but I don’t mind if they’ve cleaned the barrel
the men at the pool have nicked me sunbed
now I must find where they’ve moved me towel.
———————–
Painting by letters 3:
———————–
trouble is, the cows sigh
and look at it all a different way.
all the hills stick together
and none of them seem to complain

seagulls are just having a laugh,
if they want they can pick up and go
urban man takes the biscuit,
we all stand on green painted patios.

man at the gate is dying,
as a suit and a hat waves it ‘ok’
those at the bar buy another,
horizontal cloubs leave its a shame.

hedges and stonewalls are both laying low,
and are wildly placing bets.
Acre O’lands the favourite
or are the city folk getting it next?

paperboy looks at his prospects,
and decides to pick himself a new frame,
everythings looking rosey for the boy,
and he hopes it’ll never end.

… and the man in the chair
his daddy put him there
and he doesn’t know the lies from the truth
But the man in the suit
he’s got a different point of view
and he knows he’ll be taking the small boat.

Two things…

Wee and eyeballs:

if you lie in bed on your back and lay your forearm across one eyeball, for 60secs you will experience double vision… and no matter how much rubbing of your eye you do, it won’t start working again until all the blood has returned and the eye has recovered from the pressure. This combined with lying awkwardly on top of the other arm, and giving yourself a dead arm by losing the blood supply, means when you get up to pee in the night, firstly you can’t see straight and locate the target (bowl), you also can’t hold your penis correctly. It is at this time when the ‘male directional jet’ fails to work entirely… and I wee on my toes.

yawn…..uhgg mondays :(

last night my brain was buzzing like crazy… it was pretty obvious within about 10minutes of ‘going to sleep’ (lying horizontally staring at the ceiling) that I was gunna have a ‘disturbed’ sleep.

2 hours in and I thought I’d watch Fight Club…. in the hope that it would send me to sleep…. it didn’t…. I stayed awake.

Note: Normally the more exciting the film the easier I find it to fall asleep to….. my favourite ‘sleep flick’ is the Matrix… the Lobby scene in particular. How it works is …. the sounds of action scenes are normally very detailed and intense for the ears… this allows me to shut my eyes and ‘see’ the sequence in my head… therefore… the lights literally ‘go out’ and I’m away.

where was i?….. Oh yeah…. about 4:30am the films over and BBC news 24 is on… and I’m semi asleep… and tripping/dreaming that catapillars are crawling about my walls, in particular around my curtain rail…. this is freaking me out a little in dream mode and I keep waking up…. and watching tv.. At 6:30 I turn off the tv and settle down for some ‘shut eye’. At 6:45 my alarm clock goes off… and I mentally rip it from the wall socket and throw it all the way across my room and halfway down the hallway. I sleep a little more until 8:00.

I think I’ve had about 3 hrs sleep…. but it feels like zero.

I need another coffee.

lunch break…. and I’m wandering the web.

I researched some stuff about blogging earlier for an article… I still think that it’s an incredible product/tool/service which uk isp’s should off the public as part of their signup process… so many companies offer webspace, but don’t guide their users as to what they should use it for. Once joe public discover the addictiveness of writing and reading about people like an online soap opera, I’m sure there will be money to be made from ‘acc upgrades’ etc …. why is it I can’t convince anyone in this company that this is a unique selling point which is so easy to set up and getting happening? ..ahh well… maybe one day.

nuts on a window

boing!

so i get in at 5(ish) to find the painter (who was doin my railings out back of my home) had accidently hit the deadlock on my front door.

so when my key went in the lock to turn, it wouldn’t budge.

whilst remaining cool and composed on the outside I cried like a little girl and held my breath until I turned blue and colapsed. Would I really have to hassle my neighbours to let me climb ‘Spidey’ style across their balcony to mine?

Now picture me clambering up the brickwork to squeeze through the top half of the kitchen window I’d left open. This is where the story ends.

With my crown jewels parted by split level white facia double glazing, I whinced as I fumbled around with one foot trying to find best placement position on the sink (full of dirty crockery), balancing with the other foot outside the window on a 3″ windowsill, and leaning ever-so-gently further and further with my hand towards the corner of the upright fridge-freezer. At this point I wished I took off my backpack, to ease the aerodynamics of my window contortion antics. One slip and I’d fall forever to my doom, towards a 24″ heavily laidened pedal bin of unfragrant disposition.

needless to say … as I am writing in the ‘past tense’ that I made the ‘challenge’ and sprung from the worktop like a ninja freeing himself from a tight grip or an agile teenager leaping from a shopping trolley chariot prior to an embarrassing rollypolly risking scuffed elbows and possibly the spillage of blood.

The rest of the evening went well. I met friends, wined and dined til the late hours whilst discussing the merits of passing a cycling test at the expense of mickey taking during early school and chuckling over annecdotes of camping in the rain drinking homemade beer.

delightful