A different day a different café.


On the walk down there was some charity workers in the high street, y’know, the student types that are young, dumb & full of confidence.

The ones that try & make eye contact with you up to 20ft away & align themselves like a torpedo so there’s no chance of you avoiding them. They talk like they’ve been up since 5am, brainwashed for 4 hours with new motivational ‘sign up’ techniques then set loose on the innocent public members from 9am, trying to earn themselves a desperate student fee paying living.

I don’t know about you, but I verbally and audibly groan in their direction whenever I’m confronted by one of them. At least big issue sellers have the decency to stand on their spot & sell.

These high street salesmen, masked as charitable volunteers are nothing more than supercharged beggars ‘cept with a good cause behind them. I really wouldn’t rather see them attack people in the St like that.

And damn have you ever had a conversation with one? Its like they’re trying to sign me up to a new religion.

I normally only ever stop (or be persuaded to stop) when I see someone attractive and the ensuing one way’d conversation from them to me, serves only as a chance for me to stare at their breasts and/or facial features whilst regretting that I didn’t wear my ‘now turn around, so I can get a good look at your arse’ T-Shirt.

Generally I stare silently at them, until they’ve expelled all their sales patter, whilst occasionally saying ‘uh-huh’ & ‘ok’ etc… Then pipe up a ‘no thanks’ and wander off. You can tell they’ve all been told to work in groups of no more than two & keep at least 10ft apart, otherwise they’ll stand the chance of being slapped with an ASBO for hanging about in groups intimidating people.

I’m done, the walk back up the High St is about to begin. Unfortunately for them, I’m the nutter that’s going to be approaching this time. Wish them luck.

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