Waking life

I had this thought this morning as I gradually woke. It was a feeling of pressure. But not of anything specific. But a general feeling of everything ‘pressuring’ me. I’ll try and explain.

I don’t really accept pressure about anything. Infact I quite like the feeling of it, to see how I handle it. Largely I do quite well I think, compared to most people imo. I use the word ‘accept’, because I see it and feel it like everyone else does, but it bounces off me like a shield or something. The more pressure I sense, the more I think ‘ahh well, whatever’… and start to care less about whatever is causing the pressure in the first place. Its a way of relaxing immediately at the first sign of it. This is all on a conscious, external level btw, on a subconscious, internal level, I’m like everyone else. I don’t deny that.

This morning tho, I woke thinking about pressures in general; opinions, people, expectations, money, work, life, advertising etc. Yet instead of thinking of each of them individually, I pictured them all as one invisible force that surrounded me. It was a kind of visible ‘invisible’ .. like a gas or ‘heat’ warping the normally air. And the pressure was square, a cube, whereby I was standing in the middle of it.

I also thought about how its always present, and how if we relax and open up, we can see it more easily. Now I know people will think, ‘yeah, but its important to relax and be open mark’ … well… I don’t think it is. Its taken me decades to block out the crap that doesn’t interest me in life. Why would I want to ‘open up’ to all that again…. ‘its about embracing life and your problems mark’… no it isn’t, my lifes great, stop trying to place your fears on to me. (and so on, etc) …

so yeah… i just wanted to qwert this. I guess it was a little like a dream, but I was fully conscious during it…. (uhh, a day dream then mark?). There’s something else I want to write now, which is kind of connected.


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