xmas…



(I’m gunna try and keep this short)

I like it for the holiday reasons and I hate it for the materialistic family that I have around me. To me possessions are meaningless… they do not make me feel better they make me feel much worse… with possessions I feel bogged down by stuff and i do everything I can to stay away from it so I don’t get it, and regularly throw it away if I do. Xmas for my family means showing how much I love them by how much money I spend on them. And I’m skint. I spend every penny that I earn… I save nothing…. I have no ‘secret bank account’ or ‘trust fund’ I can just dip into when times get hard. I resent having to spend money to represent how much I love my family. The only one I’m interested buying ‘stuff’ for is my neice, whos 3. Maybe it’s all in my head and people are really happy with a couple bottles of wine … but I think not. My childhood consisted of growing up on a council estate where we got very little ‘stuff’, and it really mattered then for me to have some… now it doesn’t…. but my brothers (I have 3) certainly seem to hang on to their thoughts from being a kid. 

I’m not the ‘bah humbug’ type… I’m the first to arrive and start cracking open the grolsch. But just for one xmas I’d like to everyone to experience it with zero cash/gift expectations. I actually think we’d all discover who actually wants to share xmas with each other pretty quickly. There again, I think xmas is kinda fine (now I’m thinking about it)…. it’s more to do with the ‘planning and shopping’ part that I dislike the most. 

maybe I should just by everything online this year 🙂

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