Writing, Time and Lego Batman

Nanowrimo Day 8: 12,599 words and on track.

Take one pan and place it on the hob. Place 2 individual pieces of spaghetti in the pan. Ensure one is half the length of the other and the shorter one stands almost vertically against the edge of the pan, whilst the longer piece leans diagonally from the far side of the pan bottom to the near side of the top edge. Ensure that the longer piece of spaghetti crosses the piece of shorter spaghetti at some point. Gradually fill the pan with boiling water until about a centimetre deep. As more water is added, the water level will rise relative to the diagonal piece at roughly twice the speed of the vertical piece. As more of the longer piece make contact with the water, the spaghetti starts to soften and its weight is pulled down into the boiling water quicker than the vertical piece. To the vertical piece of spaghetti, the rising water level appears slower to the longer piece. However the water level is infact rising the same for both pieces. As the longer piece is getting softer quicker, and falling into the water, the unexposed length is being reduced. This also shifts the point of which it crosses the shorter piece. To the shorter piece this ‘crossing point is being pulled towards the rising water level at a vastly greater speed than of the view relative to the longer piece of spaghetti.

The water level is Time. The longer piece of spaghetti represents 1 characters’ storyline whereby Time is aparently travelling quickly. The shorter piece respresents a 2nd characters’ storyline, whereby aparently Time is moving slower. The point of crossing for the 2 pieces of spaghetti, indicate the change that is arriving for the 2 characters and once finally met by Time (the rising water) both characters understanding of Time will be uniform. The pan represents my book, and the cooker is just a cooker, and the story isn’t science fiction or a spaghetti western.

Emily is playing lego batman standing 4ft from the television, the back of her head looks lovely today.

Nanowrimo year 3

Loads of work to do, moving house (or trying to), wanting to skate all wkends and hang out with Emily and do cool things. Surely I have no time for writing this year?

Agreed.

But I’m doing it again this year.

It’s a bit like running a marathon: everyone else’s spurs you on to put one foot in front of the other and eventually you get to the end. I haven’t realised how important it is to use the community for motivation to finish until now. Its Day 2 and I haven’t started yet, but just 5mins looking around twitter and the nanowrimo site and I’m sucked in again.

Hello 6am alarm clock every day for the next 28 days!

Woo…

Guitars like kettles

I firmly believe in music. Playing it, not just listening to it.

I firmly believe that everyone should try and learn to play a guitar, either formally or informally.

Most of all…

I firmly believe that everyone should own a guitar like they do a kettle, even if they can’t play it. By just having one the in the corner of the room will make their livingroom look better, and encourage a tune out of all guitar players that visit.

Buying and listening to music is great, but listening to live music for free is much better, and always available if, and only if you own an instrument.

Only today I discovered a scheme that has been running for the last 2yrs called takeitaway.org.uk from the Arts Council whereby anyone can buy any instrument up to £2k on 0% interest. My only regret is it can’t provide a similar facility for vocal coaches who provide singing lessons.

Most people master to a degree all the things they have to purchase, but sadly most people never learn to master the things they have for free.

Baby names by mobile phone?

Why you shouldn’t pick your baby’s name by texting the words ‘baby’ ‘your name’ and ‘your partners name’ to a company through a mobile phone.

The algorithm used to decide your perfect baby name is a posh way saying, the computer program will do this:

’select any name from a random list, apart from ‘yourname’ & ‘your partners name’ and send it back to you.

Et voila! you’ve just given the company £1.50 and you are stupid.

Cashing gold by post is a stupid idea

• People estimate the price of their gold in order to post it
• Occasionally (Strikes are on atm) gold will get ‘lost’ in the post.
• It may never arrive.
• It may get lost by the post office.
• It may get delivered to the wrong address.
• It may get stolen by a postal worker.
• It may get lost by the gold company.
• It may get stolen from within receiving companies premises.
• Hopefully it will arrive at the company and be processed
• The company will now have to send it back to you if you don’t want the price they offer.
• It may never arrive at your home.
• It may get lost by the gold company.
• It may get lost by the courier that returns it on behalf of the company.
• It may get delivered to the wrong address.
• It may get stolen by a courier worker.
• Hopefully it will arrive safely back home to you.

However if not…

• The insurance claim reinburses the sender to the value of the estimation price only.
• If the gold hasn’t been stolen, it may eventually arrive at its destination which could be your home or it could be at the gold company.
• The price of gold increases
• If the gold company has your gold at this time, and they know insurance has paid out, who owns the gold?
• Will you ever find out?
• The company wins.

Do yourself a favour, if you want to ‘cash your gold’ go to a Goldsmith/Jeweller in your town.

Tonia is doing my head in…

She got back to me the other night before I could reply to her last email with booking details from Singapore Changi Airport to Bristol getting in at 9.50am! Sod that for a game of soliders, the traffics going to be chocka at that time. She’s obviously never negotiated the A37 or Jnc 19 at that time of the morning.

Then today she had a right knot in her knickers and sent me this as an email:

Subject: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Copy: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Cheeky monkey. I’m putting it down to sofa stress. I’ll pen her a message now and be back in a bit with the results.

mark

Tonia is getting it all Wong…

I hadn’t even got back to her about the last email, and she’s fired another one through to me…

—————-

Hi Mark,

I have been very busy all day and its a new day here again.It been a crazy and stressful day for me today

I finally meet with the lady in singapore and She told me its no big issue as she does this because of business associates who wants to Dodge high taxes and bank commisions.This lady is an Air Hostress that works with the KLM Royal dutch Airlines,do you know such airline?she is a proffesional in this business.We had a brief discussion because she seems a very busy woman,and she came to a conclusion saying the sofa was a good idea,am i not a genius lol?we came to a conclusion,but her asking price was way too high,she wants $40,000 as an upfront,then when it delivers,i will have to balance her up $10,000.

THIS IS THE PLAN ACCORDING TO HER

She said there is a flight going to the Bristol Great Britain Airport(BRS) on Friday 9/10/09,and she will be working aboard the flight also,which means i have to board the same flight as well,she also said we both will arrive at the Winford Manor Hotel via a private KLM Royal dutch Airlines bus shuttle which will be arranged privately by her. and you can come pick me from there.Is your place far from the hotel?,i will advice you bring a car that the sofa can fit into,its not too large.She accompanied me to Malaysia by road in her jeep to pick the sofa up,driving is just 2hrs from singapore to malaysia,i also gave her few asian antiques to avoid any suspicion from neigbours,everything happened like it was just a friend picking up a sofa from my house.after seeing the sofa,she said its properly sealed,you know i spent 17hrs getting that done.

I followed her back to singapore with the sofa because she insisted,when we got to singapore,we went to an IKEA store to get like a packaging wrapper thats very thick,and she did more sealing and put an IKEA tag on it.She said it will be part of her cabin crew Luggage.Do i really trust her?i will say %80 i do,because she owns her personal house in singapore which we arrived at,she seems so rich herself and her husband is an Architecture himself,although i didnt meet with him,but i saw her two daugthers,I had to tell her a more proffessional story and She is aware the money belongs to a diamond seller and i am just a client here in asia,so when you come pick me up,look smart and speak less okay?

Mark All ll i have in my savings is just $27,930 that i have been saving for a while now to buy myself a house,and i really need to fly back and pay her the upfront.I have to and see if i can get some loan so i can return to singapore to give her her upfront,she said she wants it in a bank draft

The $50,000 will include
My ticketing which she will arrange herself
Hotel cost
And Her commission

You are the only person am trusting with this,and i swear Mark if you frame me up or let me down,i will never forgive you,because i am trusting you with all my heart,i am willing to give you $200,000 of this money,donate some to the orphanage and get a good life.its alot that can turn our lifes for good,as soon as i arrive,i will need your help in putting this money into good use,and other ideas to invest it.

i would have loved to open up the sofa and take all this money instead of running around,but that wont be a good idea,its already sealed.and it will look unproffessional doing that in her presence,and moreover its been sealed again a second time.although i just arrived malaysia an hour ago so i can make begin to make arrangements of her upfront,I am so happy now,and i feel reliefed but all am thinking about is boarding that plane on Friday and leave my misery behind to Start a new life.How is your day going?

The Only problem i had was she really wanted to know its not a stolen money,and i persuaded her saying its from Diamond sells,and i am just a representative her,although she said everydetails should be kept confidential between both parties,and i should make sure our agreement are meet accordingly.please make sure you dress very cooperate guy when you come pick me up.

Please don not tell anyone about this

Hope to read back from you.

Put me in your prayers.

I cant wait to get on the plane on Friday because thats going to be a new path on a track of a new life.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF ALL THIS MARK

——————

Damn! She’s not holding back is she? What flight from Malaysia costs more than $50k? She already has $27k in the bank. Why not use that? Has she never heard of cheap flights on the Internet? I’ve just gone on Expedia.com and found a flight one-way from Mayalsia Airlines for 1,633.37 Singapore Dollars. Tonia’s ‘contact’ is part of the Canadian diamond dudes drug cartel!! … I need to warn Tonia not to go through with her plan. I can sort it all from my end – all I’ll need is her credit card number and expiry date!

Beside, doesn’t she think there might be a bit of suspicion when I’m trying to get a sofa through customs?

‘Anything to declare sir?’
‘Um, no?’
‘You’re carrying a sofa sir’
‘Yes, I’m returning it to IKEA, it doesn’t match my curtains…’ etc

Its not going to work is it? I’ll be bent over backwards getting my prostate checked in no time.

Jeez…. woman.

She’s back already!!

Man, she can type fast for a model with a bag full of drug money! Here’s her email:

Hi Mark

I was very worried not hearing back from you intime,This has been a movie like type of story in my life and a reality have been living with in weeks,I will really like to stay with you for a period of 9months so i can get aquinted and adapt to my new enviroment.with you help i can get a new life,you can help me invest it into good business.I have secretly made some enquiries.

There is this woman in singapore that moves huge sums for casino and diamonds.i will go to singapore to meet with her tommorow,right now i cant sleep or eat,i am just so terrified.I have been through alot lately,i was raped on my way back from work November last yr and my boyfriend whom i paid his college tuition and sacrifised my life for left me.and now i feel this huge money is a blessing in disguise.Due to fear i had to stock the whole money into my italian leather sofa which i use for my photo shot,it took me 16hrs to get it sealed in.I feel at times this is a dream.

My Life is all in captivity of fear,but my only hope is the outcome of whatever this woman will say.and i am willing to share this with you.are you in?can i trust you?i swear if you set me up i will never forgive you

I JUST NEED YOU TO TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE?

Argggh… stuffing the cash into a sofa!! a sofa!?! Have you ever tried lugging a sofa through customs! What was she thinking. This woman is insane. Why the hell does she want to stay for 9mths??? I mean a woman could have baby in that…. Oh no. I’m not falling for that one!

All she wants right now is for me to trust her, and tell her everything will be fine. I think I can do that.

She’s gunna have to wait tho, because Emmerdale is on now.

All Tonia has to do is follow my instructions precisely…

I’ve taken a long hard think about what to do with this Tonia girl…  I’ve just sent her this email:

—————

Whoa, this is crazy stuff!

sorry I took a while to reply – I’ve just finished work at the farm and don’t have wifi in my tractor.

I understand that you might be a lot of trouble owning this bag, but its a lot of money and it would take you forever to spend it and I wouldn’t trust sticking it in a bank – they’d ask too many questions!

tbh – I don’t think I would want to rent my flat out to you – you must think I’m crazy to get involved in something like this.

However I think I could help you out somewhere. This is what we can do:

First I could give you my bank details, and you transfer in small payments at a time, say, just enough to cover the price of a new Mac Air perhaps – then I’ll transfer the money out into a separate bank account in your name: Wonia Tong. We keep doing this until I’ve got enough money to get this guy I know (Rusty) to get a fake passport – I can then send you one over, you hop on a plane, get over to my place, we’ll buy a fast car (maybe Fiat500?) and just get the hell out of there.

The only problem I have is you’re connected that guy who’s now convicted of death, your ex-boyfriend. Sooner or later someone is going to work out that he might have left the bag full of money with you and come after you. I don’t think you have much time to sort this out. Its imperative that you follow my instructions quickly, and to the letter, if not you will be in grave danger! I’m super-serial here.

I suggest buying another bag exactly the same as the one you have, then… no that won’t work… just get another bag, a different one, and transfer the money from that bag in to the new one (there might be a tracking device in the original bag – I’ve seen it happen in loads of films) …. ergh.. actually that won’t work either… I’m not sure what to do… if only we had an idea!! We need a plan.

Do you have any ideas? I have to go now, my rich aunt Doreen needs help getting out of bed again.

Let me know.

———————

Hopefully she’ll reply to me again tonight… before we all get killed!!

mark

Tonia has got back to me…

and boy, she is in bigger trouble than I could ever imagine!

Hello Mark,

I really feel like telling you this might be a regret.i am really interested in renting your place,due to my present situation and the fact that i have to relocate.

This is a very confidential discussion between you and i,I meet a Canadian guy at a resort while doing some photo shot,and we’ve been friends for about 3months,he always travelled to Malaysia often,we had dinner once,he was a very nice guy who told me he was into Diamond business and i had no doubt to hesitate he was saying the truth because of his flambouyant life style.Just about two weeks ago He was arrested for drug trafficking and that is a death penalty here in asia,the day before he was arrested,he came to my house and entrusted a bag with me,he asked me he would get it back the next day before his flight back to Montreal.and i never opened it,but i just did 3days ago after i was told he was convicted to death and i found it was filled with US dollars,attached is the picture of the bag that contains the money.I couldnt believe my eye’s when i first set my eye’s on the content inside.

The canadian guy has been sentenced already,am so confused and nervous,i dont know what to do and i cant tell any1 am so scared,i cant even turn the money over to the authourities because i am scared of my own life.the system here is quite corrupt and i am so terrified and scared for my life right now.I cant sleep,i am having eating disorder all because of this.i just cant tell anbody here,and i really need to talk to someone.Can i confide in you?.Attached is the picture of the bag.

Thank you

Whoa, this is some super crazy stuff! Canadian guys, Diamond business’s, Malaysia, drug trafficing, death! I just thought this was going to be a normal Monday! But it seems I have a duty here because I have been given this confidential discussion, this girl has got a bag full of money, which, lets face it, I could do with that right now, because I’m moving house and Christmas is coming etc.

I’m going to have to seriously consider how to handle this. I’m not going to leave my good friend Tonia in this terrible situation. But I need to think, I need to plan this out carefully.

Someone could get hurt – and that someone could be me!

omg